Self-care can be a huge part of what is missing in someone's life who is busy and stressed. As women we tend to take care of everyone else FIRST! Most of us learn the hard way that we cannot "pour from an empty cup". Years ago, I learned the hard way myself. I had been working overtime, taking care of the kids (the hubby helped and still does), and just barely getting by mentally and emotionally. Eventually something traumatic happened that made me realize that nobody looks out for you the way you do. This trauma and huge life change is for a different blog. Just know that it was earth shattering for me as a mom and changed my life forever. This event made me realize that no matter what you pour into others, you will never get that same effort back from them. I began to pour into myself more. This was never a marriage issue as my marriage is strong. Not always perfect, but strong. He has been and continues to be super supportive.
Self-care is important because you can't F@*$# care for others if you can't even nourish yourself. As I sit here and write this just know that it took WAY TOO DAMN LONG for me to figure this out. I am writing about this in hopes that it won't take you as long to figure out the way it did me. Even as a business owner I find time for myself to work out alone and listen to podcasts and read...ALONE.
Also be aware that self-care relies heavily on your ability to recognize how your current routines affect your mood and functioning. Heavy reminder here that we cannot change other people, but it is possible to change ourselves to better handle stress, improve our mood, and function better in our daily routines. I have made multiple changes in the past month to assist myself in dealing with daily life and assholes. And guess what...It's working.
A few tips below to help you with your self-care journey.
LET THEM WAIT!
That husband, those kids, extended family and those coworkers screaming your name CAN WAIT! For the love of God don't feel obligated to jump at the exact moment they scream for you. I know this is hard for all of us as women because we are naturally care takers and think that we can fix it all RIGHT NOW. You can't. And you shouldn't. I lived my life this way for too long. The sooner you react the more anxiety it creates for you. Your kids are up on Saturday morning screaming for breakfast...... one hour of your own alone time with your coffee cup and a book won't starve them. Tell those little monsters to go sit down and be quiet for a minute. LET THEM WAIT! Just a few minutes of alone time can set the tone for your day and lead to patience to deal with everyone else the rest of the day when things CAN"T wait. And let's not forget about our grown family members who think we should fix it all. I am grateful I don't get called on for this anymore. I used to and when I stopped going around so much that quit. Set some boundaries and let the family figure that shit out for themselves!
GET SOME SLEEP!
This is a huge must for me. I haven't slept well since I worked night shift in the hospital 80 years ago...LOL. Okay. I exaggerated a little. But that still doesn't change the fact that I don't sleep well. I used to work four night shifts in a row. Those twelve hour shifts turned into fourteen and fifteen hours every single night. I would sleep about three hours and wake up before my kids got off the bus and start getting ready for homework and dinner. As they got older, I took a dayshift job and that was crazy to me. I didn't know when to do things around the house and what to do with myself. Fast forward eight years later of working a dayshift job and I still don't sleep well some nights. I take medicine but that alone won't do the trick. Some things I have done to assist with sleep is to make the most of the time I have in the morning so that my household duties don't fall all in the evening. For example, put a load of clothes to wash in the morning and dry them when you get home in the evening. I plan crockpot meals and utilize that baby regularly, so I don't spend endless hours in the kitchen every evening after work. I unplug!!! See my previous blog post for those tips but in a nutshell, I turn my phone off for a whole hour in the evening so that I am uninterrupted and can relax and be focused. I minimize screen time right before bed and read a book instead. I cut out preworkout. Yes, the girl who owns a gym cut out preworkout.... LOL, It isn't for everyone, and I am not saying you have to do this, but it has helped me to rest better. Make it a point to stay on a reasonable schedule during the week. If the kids have games, you will know that schedule ahead and should plan better for those nights, so you are prepared.
YOU TIME!
My time to myself is important. Self-care doesn't have to be expensive. My ME time consists of a few minutes of lifting before class at the gym starts and then every Sunday I listen to podcasts and get in a run/walk/jog of some sort. Sometimes I take a hot bath and soak. Your time is your time, and I won't tell you how to spend it. I will however encourage you to schedule your time around your family, so you aren't interrupted. I started working out in the morning because that is the ONE time of day that I am not bothered by anyone else. Nobody calling me Mom or Honey or Baby. Pick your time and go have a cup of coffee with a friend. Go sit at Barnes & Noble and read a book. Sit on your porch and read a book. Go to the grocery store...ALONE. Go for a walk to clear your head. If you are into spending money, then go and get a pedicure. Just find something to do on your own.
DON'T REACT!
I know that you are probably surprised to see this one on the list but let me explain. Some people don't deserve me or my reaction to their antics. I have recently been in a situation where I reacted when I really shouldn't have. I was trapped. Not trapped by anyone else but I allowed myself to be trapped by my own emotions. Despite the fact that I knew this person constantly seeks out drama and "stirs the pot" I reacted. Some people are drama and reaction fed. Your reactions feed them, and it just gets worse from there. My reaction only stressed me out which made my life a living hell for weeks. Lesson learned. Won't do that shit again. Good luck getting a reaction out of me from now on haters. Deuces. No reaction is a reaction and my own personal form of self-care.
Nobody can tell you how to practice self-care but above are a few things that have helped me. Maybe they can help you too.
DO YOU PRACTICE SELF CARE?
YES
NO
DON'T KNOW
Follow your own pace 🫶🏼